OKKKK, ITS BEEN A WHILE....7 MONTHS TO BE EXACT!!!! Here is me getting back into updating this!!! :)

hellooooo beautiful friends!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOO i have not posted anything to this blog since august 19, 2008....and at that time i was fresh off the plane from swaziland.....SO on fire for the Lord...already wanting to be BACK there, with those beautiful, AMAZING people....the stars....the JOY OF THE LORD that is just so EVIDENT there....the mountains.....but most of ALL my brothers and sisters there......i'm tearing up right now just THINKING about it, goodness i need to get a grip :) but nothing has changed since august about my HEART and PASSION for africa.....for SWAZILAND. i believe that almost everyone reading this will have already found this out another way....since a lot of people don't even know i have a blog haha....hope to change that soon!! :)

i am SOOOO excited that i will be moving to Swaziland for a year this coming July to be a full time missionary with Children's Cup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) my "exclamation point happy" little self could NEVER express my enthusiasm adequately in this medium...on a computer screen...but when you see me in person i'm sure i will be OVERFLOWING and want to tell you more!!! :) i don't have an exact departure date (SOON!!!) but it will be between early and mid july - you can be praying about that!!!! i mean, its totally in the Lord's hands!!! in my next post i will explain what i will be doing in swaziland in detail...and YES i will be posting much more often....as my friend and sister steph durbin will be checking on each other in this area!! :)

sooooooo since its midnight right now (and even though that is like, THE NIGHT IS YOUNG for me), i want to have plenty of time to spend on that!! :) but it is EXCITING STUFF!!!! i coach softball at my school and tomorrow is the first day of tryouts....that CAME UP FAST, WOW!!! i'm sooo excited - its how i keep my passion for that sport alive!!! :)

goodness its going to take me a while to catch up on the school year too, well i'll just give highlights here and there :) The Lord has taught me SO much this year....i mean, where to begin....HE IS SO GOOD...he guides me GENTLY with His spirit....when i'm sure in reality i deserve to be slapped in the face most of the time!!! this year has been different for me, because i have looked at life with a much more global perspective....even though i THOUGHT i had a global perspective before i went to africa, i was SMOKED when i came home from there!!!

i mean after my 3 trips to the Dominican Republic, i have gotten so much more comfortable here than i ever wanted to!!! i mean, i don't want to just be living here in America all comfortable and not fully remembering what is going on throughout MY FATHER'S WORLD!!!! so since i got back from Africa, the Lord has placed a unique perspective in me in the way i look at EVERYTHING. and let me tell you, it has broken me at times, but it has been a HUGE blessing!!! i mean, what a privilege it is to be able to act on the Lord's love for the nations!!! Perspective is a also a huge thing that the Lord had been working on and in me this school year. Who am i living for, what am i living for... how will this matter in eternity....what do i truly value??? PRAISE THE LORD THAT HE SHOWS US THIS, WITH OUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND!!!! its been amazing!!!

anyway, i need to watch the length of these things...i could write forever....but i know you don't want to read forever!!! :) sooo i'll pick up with this later. and when i'm in Africa this will be the way for you to get updates on what i'm doing everyday and what the Lord is teaching me!! :)

THANK YOU FOR BEING AN AMAZING FRIEND - PART OF MY FAMILY!!!!, FOR CARING ENOUGH TO READ THIS....I MEAN THAT IS A GESTURE OF LOVE JUST IN ITSELF....i am SO BLESSED to have you in my life....if only i could hug you everytime you read this!!! :) i truly love you, friends, and pray the Lord's blessings on you..... i'll write again soon :) xoxoxoxo

Not My Dreams, but Yours Jesus!!!!!

More than anything right now, my prayer is that I will run the race that God has set out for me. And praise the LORD, he has made this so evident to me while in Africa. He has added even more passion in my soul for the children and people of Swaziland!!! I desperately want my life to be consecrated to Jesus!!! I know that the more I follow my own selfish ways, the farther I will be from him. And that is a scary thought. I am in such need of his grace. And my prayer is that I will not follow my own dreams, but his. I can just hear some of you saying right now, “Are you crazy?! You don’t want to follow your own plan for your life? You worked so hard to get where you are. You have to fend for yourself, have a plan, and be successful!! Think of your future.”

Yes, but you see, this is just what the world tells us do to. And we are wise to ignore it, because this very way of thinking will lead to our destruction. We cannot follow our own plans. We may very well have a plan for our lives – we are going to go to this school, and live in that town, and our family will be just like we always pictured it. We tell ourselves that we have it all figured out. But in reality, the miracle is that God can dream so much bigger for us than we can for ourselves. He is God of the universe, He created it all – how can we think that our ways are above His, or that our plans are wiser than His? How can we know what’s best for ourselves, when God is the one who created us? He’s the one who made us think the way we think!! And He has a future in store for us that is too wondrous for us to comprehend. The time I spent in Africa was definitely more than I could have asked for or imagined!!! If we truly value our future, we will give it up to the One who promises us so much more than we could ever ask or imagine. So we have to be willing to abandon our plans, hopes, and dreams and trade them in for the amazing, passion-filled life God has in store for us, wrapped like a beautiful package from heaven!!!

I’ll be the first to admit its hard sometimes. It’s not easy to give up something that we have been counting on for a long time. It feels like a part of you is dying. But be assured that its not, because God is molding you into everything He wants you to be. And what could be more beautiful? God wants to use us for HUGE things to advance His Kingdom!!! The very thought of this makes me want to DANCE for joy – because I know how incapable I am of knowing what’s best for myself. I think I have it all figured out, and God brings me back to my knees. This is when I need to pray, “Lord save me from myself!!!” I want to do exactly what God has put me on this earth to do. Nothing more, nothing less. My desires are this: to do everything Christ has ordained for me to do on this earth, in this life, and to become more like him in everything I do. The truth is, this involves many sacrifices on a daily basis. But I am overjoyed to sacrifice for Christ, who paid the ultimate price for me!!! It may involve facing danger. I may have to go places where I don’t feel safe. But Christ is the ultimate protector. And my faith is sound. I will not doubt the power of my God!!



“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20

This is my prayer for my life, and for your life as well!!! God do immeasurably more in my life than I could ever envision for myself, that I may spend my life bringing you GLORY!!!! I am your servant, and I put my life in your hands. Please let me see your purpose for me, and let me run towards it without fear.

Letting My Safety Go...And Jumping Off the Ledge

Ok so here’s a thought for you. And I hope you’ll really think about this, and ask for wisdom, as I continually do. What is your definition of the word “safe”? More importantly, how much do you value your safety? Do you always want the security of knowing that your life is safe, and that you won’t have to leave your comfort zone? That nothing will happen to you, and that you will be able to predict what will happen next? If you do, I want to encourage you to look at it another way. In my life, the Lord has been faithful in allowing me to let my security and safety go – to give it over to Him. I don’t want to live a safe life. I want God to take me onto the front lines of battle for Him!! I want Him to carry me into places that are dangerous for His namesake and His kingdom!!! I do not want my life to be cushioned with constant security. Because if that were the case, how could we see the result of a life lived in complete trust in God? When we are secure in ourselves, we will not seek Christ. And I can’t imagine a life where I always felt safe!! Life would be so mundane, and I wouldn’t be on fire for the risen LORD!! I find that the most valuable and beautiful thing is to go places that are not safe, even dangerous and yet find absolute, total security and peace in my Saviour. If he calls you somewhere, though it may seem crazy and that it only holds peril and uncertainty, the ultimate truth is that he is faithful. So many people are living as if the goal of life is to arrive safely at death, unscathed. And what a tragedy this is!! The refining of our faith is contingent upon being placed in situations where our ultimate trust must be in Christ and nothing else. And I pray that my life is consumed by experiences on the front lines, as a warrior for him!! I will go anywhere for you Lord!!! Into the pit, off the edge of the cliff, up the highest mountain, into the depths of the sea. To distant shores and lands that I have never seen. All in your holy name, that I might bring you glory. That I might not be safe, Lord, or travel life with no bumps in the road. For you yourself will be my refuge, my hiding place, my peace. And in a land surrounded by turmoil, danger, darkness, and sword, you are the everlasting constant. I need no more knowledge than this – my faith is sure. I AM YOURS!!! And so again I ask you friends, how do you interpret safety? Are you ready to let it go? I pray that as God’s followers, we will put our own desire for security aside, and avail ourselves to His mighty purpose. I guarantee you, it will be a wild ride, and you will never be the same!!! AMEN!!!

“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.” Philippians 3:7-9

Not Safe, but Infinitely GOOD!!! What I Learned From a Lion...

Ok, so back to the safari. Which I probably started talking about like 3 pages ago. Sorry!! But this is like me writing a stream of the thoughts that God puts on my heart as I go. We saw some amazing animals – lions, elephants, rhinos, hippos, crocodiles, warthogs, kudu, and other things that I can’t spell haha. All so big, beautiful, and reminders of God’s power and artistry. Life breathed into His creation. As we drove through the plains, and all throughout Africa as I saw the mountains, all I could think was “Everything you hold in your hand, still you make time for me, I can’t understand. I praise you God of earth and sky, how beautiful is your unfailing love.” But I want to stop and talk about the lions here for a minute, because they touched me deeply and God spoke to me powerfully through my encounter with them.

Ok, so first of all, imagine driving through the plains in Africa, in a land rover, with the sun just coming up, silhouetting the delicate, elaborate trees. Their intricate branches lovingly wrapped around each other, forming unique patterns, each crafted by the hand of God. It was dawn, and couldn’t be more soft and beautiful. I felt like if I were surrounded by any more beauty, my heart would explode. The sun was rising as we pulled up to the lions. The sky was on fire; streaks of crimson red, vibrant orange and yellow highlighted the sky and the song came to my mind “I see the King of Glory, coming on the clouds with fire. The whole earth shakes…” I just said thank you Jesus for being present in this place, and everywhere else on earth, at the same time.

When I saw the lion, as we came alongside him and stopped, he looked me right in the eye. We held each other’s eyes for 10-15 seconds – it was amazing!! I definitely had chills. His mane and huge golden eyes were like nothing I had ever seen. And I just thought, he’s the king. Right away I thought of God, how He is the King, just as this lion is king of the plains. His beauty and majesty moved me. And I was fully aware of his power and his ability to crush whatever came into his path. And this beautiful thought from C.S. Lewis came into my mind. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy asks about the great lion Aslan – she has never seen him and she asks if he is safe. Mr. Beaver replies, “Safe? Of course he isn’t safe. But He’s good. He’s the King.”

We serve a God who is not safe – but He is good. We cannot expect to live safe lives in His service. As I gazed at this lion, God spoke to me and reminded me – You will not always be safe – I will take you places that you may not feel comfortable going to. I will shake you upside down and I will break your heart, but only to move you to action for my Kingdom. Your life is not your own. You were bought at a price. If you want to follow me, you must take up your cross and follow me. You must be willing to abandon your security, your comfort, and the things that are familiar to you. You cannot cling to the things that this world values. You must take risks, you must jump off the ledge, into my loving arms. I will not protect you in the sense that this world thinks you should be protected. I will protect you in a way that only I can. If you are willing to take this journey with me, if you are willing to not be safe and comfortable, if you are willing to do whatever it takes, then I will surely hold you in my arms forever. I will not let you fall, I will not let you be consumed, I will not let your enemies take hold of you. For you are my precious child, and when you are in My will, there is no “safer” place to be. I Myself will be your comfort, your peace, and your joy. And you will no longer need this world. You will no longer conform to its pleasures and lies. For I will take you on a ride that you could not envision unless you see it. I will do things that you would never imagine possible. And its all simply because I love you, and I have called you by name. And nothing else.

WOW. AMEN to that, no?!! It’s AMAZING what God says to me through these experiences that He gives me. All of this amazing wisdom from God rushing to my heart, through locking eyes with a lion – the creature that most closely represents God’s Kingship and majesty. I’ll tell you right now, I have never experienced anything like it!! As I saw the lion interact with his cubs, and love them, I saw God’s love for us as our heavenly Father. As much as this lion will take care of his cubs, and protect them at all costs, how much more will our heavenly Father love us and provide all that we need? If He feeds the birds of the air and clothes the flowers of the fields with such beauty, how much more will He feed and clothe us, who were bought at a price? Our faith can be so small sometimes. How valuable these reminders are and how precious to my soul!!! Thank you God for these gorgeous lions!!!!

“The LORD reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice.” Psalm 97:1

So as I was saying before, God’s creation in Africa touched my heart in a deeper way than I can describe. As I was reading the Bible, I found this verse that somewhat illustrates what I am feeling.

“Clouds and darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne. Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side. His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles. The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth. The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory.”
Psalm 97: 3-6.

AMEN - My heart melts at hearing these words – how GREAT is our GOD!!!! I have chills right now!!! I pray that words like these will touch your heart as well – we are so blessed to have the Lord’s mighty word to fill us when we do not have words ourselves!!

Half a World Away, Yet HOME...

So while I was in Africa, I thought about how incredibly different life is here, and was amazed at how I just completely forgot about my life in America. As if I had never lived there. God allowed me to truly experience life in Swaziland. Being on my own, and not with a group, I was able to have a unique experience. I got to live with a missionary, Jacci. She is such an amazing person and I felt like I had known her my entire life the minute I met her. She means so much to me and truly is my sister. She taught me so much from her experiences, and I couldn’t have felt more at home with her. And its just so hard to be apart from her, as it is with everyone I left in Swaziland. Because I know that I am among family.


Do you know the feeling where you are completely at home with people – where you know you can completely trust them and that you can just be real and vulnerable with them? Its amazing how God made me feel that way with people who I had never met before in my life. Amen!! I think too often we put up walls and don’t let people in. But I mean, God put us here on earth to be relational. We were not meant to be alone – we have to have fellowship with others!!! I am SO thankful for my family in Africa - I CAN'T EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS!!!!!! I love and miss you all SOOOOO much!!!!!!!!

I am pretty much the biggest people person in the world, and those of you who know me know that firsthand, haha!!! After knowing you for about 2 minutes, I’m ready to give you a huge hug and cry if I won’t see you again!! God has just put a passion in my heart for people. I desire deep relationships with everyone I know. But I know that I have to be careful not to be spread too thin. I need to really invest in people, and give them the time that they need. I think it’s so important to be open to all people that God puts in your life. And when I say open, I mean we need to be vulnerable with each other, and share what’s in our hearts! We know that there are no such things as accidents with God, and AMEN to that, because we wouldn’t want our lives to just be spinning around randomly in space, without a sovereign creator guiding us, would we? Can you imagine?! I’m so grateful that my life has a purpose!!! And I pray that I will realize that purpose to the fullest. Whatever you have in store for me God, allow me to see it. Don’t let me be distracted by the things of this world!! I am not made to be here!!! I will go to the ends of the earth for you!!!

* * * * * Nothing Dims These Stars!!!!!!! * * * * *

Another thing that was amazing on the safari were the stars. Everywhere in Africa they are incredible, but in the safari park you could hardly see the sky, there were so many stars!! I thought the stars in the wilderness of Nevada were amazing, but they pale in comparison to this view!!! There are millions of them and I couldn’t take my eyes off them!! We saw some shooting stars too – absolutely amazing!! Like pure, sparkling streaks from heaven itself!! Shooting stars remind me of God showering His infinite light down upon the earth. Actually, anytime I was outside in Africa at night, I stayed out there for a while to look at the stars. Even though it was 40 degrees haha!! :) I just couldn’t stay inside!! It means so much to me to look at the stars here. Besides their breathtaking majesty, they are a reminder of God’s immense love and presence. The image of God sprinkling the sky with stars, tossing them into the heavens, and calling them each by name, touches something in my soul. They are more beautiful than diamonds!!! * * * * * This is truly what the sky looked like....

“The sun has one kind of splendor, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendor.” 1 Corinthians 15:41.

Every star is different and think how many millions upon millions there are. I can’t think of a better way to describe God’s size and power to you. Especially since stars are something we all see and we can’t deny their beauty. God truly does have a name for each one, and no star is the same as another. The stars take my breath away, they come out every night and are an amazing reminder of God’s faithfulness. And best of all, even when its cloudy and we can’t see them, we know they are still there. When life gets hard and we can’t see the beauty, we can’t see the goal we are trying to reach, we need to push through the clouds. God is not gone, but we need to seek harder. He will lift the clouds and we will be dazzled once again by His splendor and constancy after we run the race. AMEN!!! I LOVE MY JESUS!!!

“Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.” Isaiah 40:26 AMEN!!!

My Home in Africa - What's Next for Me Lord???

Anyway, I’m sorry for all of my random thoughts, but its just that in Africa, God reminded me of these things in a deep way, and put lots of people on my heart. And the joy that He gave me in Africa is indescribable. Like the second I got here I felt like I was home. And considering how much I have always loved my home in Philadelphia, the fact that I didn’t even think about it while I was gone is amazing. Have you ever just had this feeling that you are home? You’re where you’re supposed to be, and you have no desire to be anywhere else. I have my Jesus here in Africa, I have a family here that is absolutely amazing, and I have children who are full of light and love, as much as they need it themselves. What more could I ask for?

I am praying right now, Jesus, lead me. Show me what you want me to learn through this. Why are you making me so uncontent to be home in the states? Why did you make this trip to Africa work out so quickly? Why are you making me feel like I am home, like there is so much work for me to do here (in Swaziland), proclaiming your light to this darkened world? Why am I so broken for Africa, why do I feel like my heart will burst with love for the people there? What is Your purpose for me God? Don’t let me be blind to Your reasons. I can’t put my thoughts into words. Speak to my heart as I know You always do.

“How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!” Proverbs 16:16

“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her and she will honor you. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor.” Proverbs 4:7-10